.png)
I’m a soon to be 31 year old female that is 16 weeks pregnant expecting my first baby with my husband of 3 years (together for 6). Although we are super happy for the arrival of our first born- I can’t help but to write this post and seek advice from other Mothers out there that may have some insight.
A little background: we initially found out I was pregnant right after i resigned from the last firm I was employed with. I had a job lined up and everything and started my job In the height of the beginning of my first trimester. When things got dicey at This firm and the stress was overwhelming, I made the decision a few days ago to resign in which they let me go. Although I’m currently seeking employment now, I can tell you it is not easy especially since I will be going on maternity leave in the next 5 months.
Needless to say, I have a few job interviews lined up and I’m hopeful I can find something before the end of the month. With that said: mental health has always been important to me. In fact, prior to conceiving I was seeking mental health treatment to assist me with my depressive mood disorder. although I had been going to therapy for over 4 years, I had been taking medication to assist me with the highs and lows. So, when I stopped taking medication and thought that things were stable, my husband and I agreed that it was time to try and conceive.
and BAM! In 6 months we were blessed to expect. this process has been amazing. One that I will cherish forever. However, given my current situation with looking for work, I feel that the support from friends and family have been somewhat good and bad. When we finally announced our pregnancy this past Easter Sunday, I felt my husband and I were getting all this displaced feedback that didn’t really come into the positive light. for example:
- well be prepared because when the baby comes, you both won’t be the same
- well be prepared because your relationship with your Husband may not be the same
- you won’t get any sleep
-child care is expensive and good luck with trying to have your baby and ensuring child care and school is affordable.
- why don’t you stay home and just focus on your pregnancy and forget about work
This is just a snippet of what we have heard friends and family tell us: even though we haven’t asked for advise. My husband has a lucrative career and so do I. I spent nearly 15 years perfecting my craft and being a Lawyer is not easy. I have Always wanted to have a family and so has my husband. I come from the struggle and I’ve made sure that I always put my career first before my own. But I won’t this time. although it would be nice to be a stay at home mother: it just doesn’t work for me. I’d prefer helpful advise and tips rather than the negativity of what it means to be a first time mother and the difficulties and financial aspects of having a child.
i guess I want to know: how do you first time mothers combat eradicating the negativity and just going for motherhood? How do you handle unsolicited advice from those you love and know mean well? Am I just taking it personal? Instead of giving off the downside to motherhood and childbearing, isn’t it more helpful to offer a hand and say: I’m here if you need anything?
Any advise and feedback would be very much appreciated. My therapist said the other day that I should think about joining a support group to get me through this crazy time as I balance my mental health/depressive mood disorder and pregnancy hormones. I thought this would be a safe and comfortable environment to open myself up and lighten my load about my thoughts and fears.
Much Appreciated.
SB - Silently Bearing.
Thank you for sharing. So true. Creating boundaries is very important.
@sbonilla1991 Congratulations and please enjoy your pregnancy journey because it goes extremely fast. Take pictures, play music and talk to baby. Okay, I am being annoying. I will say for the negativity, make that fuel to bond with your husband and remain a unit. support each other and remember that at the end of the day when every else is living their lives, you have to for yourself as well. My first pregnancy journey stated with finding out I was twelve weeks pregnant with my son 13 year old after a traumatic event. This event still gives me PTSD, but worst of all my mother disowned me and bad mouthed myself and husband. Despite living on my own and graduated school, my mom was very much upset that she could not control me and did not approve of the age difference. One of the hardest thing I had to do was not speak to my mother for four years. she missed the birth of my second child and bonding with both my oldest two children. I am not saying to “divorce“ certain family members and friends but always be sure that boundaries are respected. No one has all the right answers and we all learn something new everyday. I wish more people understood and accepted that fact.
I am always here! Everyone's experiences are different and that is why people think it is okay to give unsolicited advice. They think because they have experienced something that they should be able to comment on. Some of the comments are harsh and do show signs of bitterness. Whenever someone rubbed me the wrong way with a comment, I always looked at my surroundings and what I experienced to keep me grounded. When I looked around I saw how blessed I am. As I previously stated, you are truly blessed. You have so many great things happening in your life. You have the best support from your husband. Embrace it all! You deserve it all!
Friend! Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. When I first found out I was pregnant with my oldest, I had NOTHING. I was living with my mom and all she did all day was let me know what I had and did not have. I never let that get me down because I knew I was going to be just fine. I was going to be the best mother I could be. As I began to be on my own and build a life with my husband, my family still had a lot to say. They would make statements like your always pregnant. You need to get back to work.. etc. I never let those comment get the best of me. Throughout all my pregnancies one thing I managed to do was tune people out. Take in what you feel is helpful for you. Everything else is just noise. The reality is that people may not ever stop making comments. You probably will never stop getting unsolicited advise. I’ve been in therapy myself for about a year and a half now. Some days it works for me and some days I just don’t. Therapy can be a lot. One thing I do everyday is thank God. Continue to pray. Thank God for all the good and bad moments. You are so blessed. Being pregnant is beautiful. Do not let anyone or anything rob you of your experience. I am here if you ever need someone to talk to. You got this!