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Yesterday, my Husband and I went to see our Doctors at 16 weeks gestational. We enterEd this dark lit room that had peaceful music playing in the background and it smelled like lavender. “Take off your panties mommy to be and lay on the table as if you are getting a paps smear, then sit up because we are going to do an ultrasound of your baby”. Although Ultrasound Technician was very nice to us, I still felt nervous. Since finding out about our little peanut: I get super nervous because this was my 3rd rainbow baby. The only difference was that we actually succeeded past 8 weeks with this bundle of joy. Im also a Type II diabetic so I always think that the Doctors will say something crazy or out of the normal due to my pre-existing health condition.
I do as I am instructed and she conducts the vaginal ultrasound to check my cervix. Thankfully, it was perfectly normal. Then her and my Husband help slide me up on the table and prop me up on pillows so that the ultra sound can be conducted. As I get further along this pregnancy, mannnn 🤣 No one and I mean NO ONE tells you how thankful you become at the opportunity to pass on wearing panties. I felt so free That I was free ballin’ on that table! The minute the technician said my cervix was fine, my heart just kept beating to see my baby.
While my Husband holds my hand and we look at the big screen to await seeing our son or daughter (we don’t know the gender of our baby, we have decided to wait until the gender reveal which is the weekend of my birthday on June 10th). The technician squeezes a warm clear liquid onto my stomach and the magic happens!
When I tell you this baby has character, babbyyyyyy, this child would not stay still. The baby waived at us and moved around so much while moving it’s lips. The tech had to aggressively moving her wand around on my stomach so that she could capture everything. At one point I wanted to say: “ma’a, could you go easy please. im fittin to act out”. Instead, I remained calm because I know the baby can hear me now. But, I let her do her thing. Then, the baby stopped moving and just swaddled in its nest as he or she sucked its thumb.
The joy of seeing this Child is miraculous to me. In that moment I knew pacifiers would be our best friends upon the entering of this tiny bean in October. LOL. But I kept thinking: What if you missed out on this? What if you didn’t make it to this?
a year ago I almost attempted suicide because I was at my lowest. It’s what I had felt to be at my lowest. Prior to my diagnosis after said attempt, I didn’t think I was ready to be a mother. Prior to meeting my husband years back, I had made the decision that I would be that rich auntie with a career and no one tell me nothinggggg! Needless to say: all I wanted was a partner and a career. I initially didn’t want to get married or have children. But here we are.
the point that I’m making is this: im glad im still her to see this baby. This baby saved my life and I am here for all of it. I see our love child grinding and moving and it already reminds me of both of our personalities. Very chill but also with so much character. Im in love with this baby and im doing everything in my power to ensure it has a better life than I had.
does it scare me that I will be a first time mother: yes!!! The world is changing in so many ways but I don’t want to isolate it from experiencing life like I was.
with everything step my baby moves, im going to capture every movement. Moment. And savor it. Time waits for no one and im going to let baby live and allow it to keep shaking thangsss up. Even if mommy already wants her body back 🤣🤣🤣🤣🙌🏾
Photo: of baby chilling like its father and resting for a moment. We will know soon if it’s boy or girl. I’m team boy and my husband is team girl.
❤️
